Cantankerous

i saw a certain light today.
it was entrancing!
it was the kind of light
that made you forget about time
(beyond the distant past)
and holding your breath was the only thing
that forced you back awake.
it snuck into our existance,
like it was shining through from The Dark Tunnel
that leads us perplexed to meet up with our end.
the light where the age eeking out of everyone glows.
it was soft like sweet afternoon light that places allegedly innocent dust
on an unfinished chapter book.
when watching it fall reminds the eye of all the tiny unnamed organisms floating
in the deep blue soup of predators.
below the thick, decieving air
like a sunken ship on the ocean bed
is a pair of glasses
holding your book closed
too weak to aid you anymore

the light is dense with gravity and
the placid rays that once reflected
off my baby blonde curls
is now insinuating the
truth and proof
of age
and tainted blood
below the surface of my leathering skin.

majesticly then
it occurred to me
that it is the dead skin i shed
in order to aid my callases
that collects atop your literature
when you have since realized you were
no longer equipped
to read it. and
once again
i set
someone
back just enough to effect only
the one thing that effects everything else
(time)
but only
when it is on paper
does every move i make
portray a trend
to my accidental bad
influence.
otherwise, i sneak into lives
of the people who are set up never to
expect such a disease
as the one i contracted.

wise we may be from it
but weak i am
and weak i make you.
weak to the artificial
high that was only ever as deep
as the ground i dug away.
i just kept digging down
down
down only to discover it is
almost the same as the ground that i once knew,
only colder.
and darker.

it all makes sense now!
it was a trap i could have
easily avoided had i paid
attention in school.
the ground gets hotter,
yes,
molten, even.
but that warmth can only be reached
in depths intangible to me
or anyone of Earthly delight.

everyday is Earth day!
but no one should know how
cold it can get when you
have wandered too far.
and once the darkness has caught you,
even if only for a second,
prepare to be translucent
like the day you were born.

Surf's Up

i'm perched
i'm parched
i'm like the hills
over lust and cheap thrills
kids skip over me
they like me as their toy
and i suppose i like the weight they shift
it's a perpetual short term tuned to the music they dance to
but even if i'm around enough i only get as far as
airport security
as they try to share with me
a brand new adventure
but all that equipps me is discovered
when the security guards cut me open

in search of all my threatening or intimidating flaws

only to forbid my going any further

and just like your girlfriend said

it only takes a few moments and a replacement

to leave the memory of me

at bay with the ashes of all the other

born-aliens who died trying to speak earth.

and you wonder why your beach is polluted...

higher climates

you think i'm overreacting
i think youre overlooking
so here it is
and here we are
you say i'm good when it comes to ruining things for you,
but that is precisely why you were never surprised;
i never wanted to let you down.
again and again, i guess.
the pain is so distinct.
if i do as you ask
and i act
more like you say you would
if you were me
what would you do when the world got a little bit colder?
i believe you that it might be easier that way
on a personal level,
but what you seem to be disregarding
is the fact that you haven't packed enough layers
and i can't bear to see you freeze.
that's my job, remember?

Fill in the Blank

i've been here before.

it's very dark but the feeling i'm given is the feeling i took like last time.

just like a familiar face

their batteries never work but

they change my mind

as they force to fit

leaving yet another crater

of questions that do not require answers,

they just leave you dumbfounded.

in the picture i'm sitting in

the one my mommy took

i am wrapped in terrycloth

i can still smell the chlorine on my skin

that day i'm not sure if i told you

i took myself for a fool

and it occurred to me

i didn't seem sure your arms would suffice much longer

i went blind for several years

until i wasn't strong enough anymore

and suddenly

i could no longer be content with my independence

but i wont ever allude to that

i guess i shouldn't

right?

if i am not stuck in my coming hours

i will not forget the moment after

the click

of your freshly exposed film

when i started begging for peace

or whatever you wanna call it.

one day, i'll get it

in a tree just taller than me rests a home
specifically designed to cradle the helpless

"nothing is new under the sun, i swear."

ray nyland.
his dad was a busdriver
his mom was a chainsmoker
the house he lived in was
the size of our kitchen
and he had seven siblings
there was a lifesize
cardboard cutout of him
with my mom
prom king and queen
spring 1977

his wife didn't let him be
what he wanted to be
a teacher
now he works at the local
hospital's blood bank

she cried looking at the moon,
"does he still think of me
when we watch it
at the same time?
miles
and ages
away?"

skim milk

"sing along," she said.
"like when we were little."
like when we were little. ok.
"oh the lord is good to me,
and so i thank the lord
for giving me...."
wait.
sunrise is here and im still sick.
what was the deal you made?
ya know what, fuck it.
a wave of my mother's praise exceeded me again;
her decorations hide mine.
festivals host festivities i have become obstinently allergic to...
fuck that;that sucks.
i'm going to excercise tomorow,
and i'm going to lose that weight.